You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Alive.
So much puke
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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