I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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