hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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