I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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