i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did I show you my penis last night?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
