she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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