OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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