I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
