so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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