I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
