what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
