Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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