She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize