Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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