I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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