im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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