No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
