I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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