Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
