I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
