Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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