there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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