I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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