is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
