Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
