I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
