Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
