Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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