I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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