Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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