im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I will die if light touches me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
