break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
