Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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