The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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