And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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