'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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