did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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