So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
