my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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