thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
