I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
