At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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