love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize