you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
