i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
