It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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