I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
