so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
