You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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