She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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