I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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