He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
