This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
