I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
