i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
