I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Screwed.edu
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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