I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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