Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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