You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
