I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
