My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
