You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
