Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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