You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
