I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
