I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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