i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
