Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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