the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
