So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize