i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize