I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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